The Truth About Obama’s Martian Heritage

The+Truth+About+Obama%27s+Martian+Heritage

Will Tolentino, Writer

2012 was an exciting year for politics in America. It was an election year, and Barack Obama and Mitt Romney were squaring off for the U.S. presidency. While at the time, issues such as foreign policy, Obama’s birth certificate, and Obama’s affordable care act were widely debated, a far more sinister development was forming. A problem that went unnoticed by millions of Americans. It was, of course, the fact that Obama was outed as a Martian, as well as an interplanetary time traveler that served/will serve the Central Intelligence Agency. 

The shocking truth rattled the few Americans who were smart enough to believe it. Since Obama is a time traveler, or “chrononaut,” this also explains the conspiracy theory regarding Obama’s allegedly forged birth certificate. Clearly, Obama did not do enough research when he time-traveled back to the 2000s and did a poor job making his birth certificate. One might wonder, “Why would the CIA send Martian Obama back to take over the U.S. anyway?” This is a simple question. Obama’s primary objective was to promote space exploration to Mars so that in the future Mars and the U.S. would have good relations. Let it also be noted that the CIA has secret Mars training classes to get humans ready to live on Mars. These allegations have both been denied by the U.S. Government and the CIA.

To summarize, this theory makes perfect sense and is even supported by incredibly reliable sources such as Andrew. D. Basiago, a prominent “Truth Movement” figure as well as an avid Facebook user. In fact, he even created the Project Pegasus Facebook page as well. This man is undoubtedly to be trusted.

Why would someone be so ignorant as to disbelieve in the sincerity of our dear friend Andrew Basiago? Unfortunately, that’s not an easy question to answer. Some people think that this theory doesn’t make sense because we don’t have access to more advanced technology such as time travel, so Obama didn’t teleport from future Mars. However, this counterclaim is flawed. Obama and the CIA are working together to conceal the truth from innocent Americans, so of course, they would hide the technology from the public. And in addition to this, it is impossible to prove that Obama didn’t live on Mars and he very well could have gone to Mars for vacation at any point. Is there 24/7 closed-circuit footage of every square inch of mars? No? Didn’t think so. If this were a game of chess, this is where I would say checkmate.