According to a Washington scientific study recently released, there is overwhelming evidence of a new species of bee, or rather an old species come back to life. It is known as the Grandicus Bottoxicus Beemaximus, Wallaces Big Bee, and more recently, The Nightmare Bee, and I can tell you that if you had a flying lawnmower the size of Shaq’s thumb came after you in the middle of a jungle, that you would probably have nightmares too. The sting is reported to cause an immediate and painful death, and after death, the bee’s acidic sting picklicises the recipient’s body. The sting’s area of effect spreads outwards to cover a large portion of the body, further pickling them. The process is irreversible. The poison is so toxic that if it merely touches any given produce product, it will turn it into a pickle. Luckily for humans though, the bee would have to perform a one-second-long sting, and due to the size and shape of the bee, you will probably see it coming, unless you are traversing the jungle blind and have the equivalent hearing of a mole rat. Unfortunately, the scientists learned that being a pickle is not as fun as the show Rick and Morty had made it out to be and that is also how we learned that it eats the item that it transforms into pickles. The way the pickle toxin works is very complicated. It first enters your bloodstream, eventually circulating throughout all of your body. That is when it starts to attach to your DNA. The toxin then starts to alter your DNA, eventually changing you into a pickle. People may be thinking “but if your DNA changes, it doesn’t mean you change into a different organism” and to that, we answer, shut up or face Mr. B in a boxing match (in the photo), you dunno what you’re talkin’ bout, this is science and science is hard… We have seen it turn different fruits and vegetables into pickles and even a squirrel (RIP Dr. Nutterman).

So if you are planning a trip to this…….things homeland, you better bring a big “azz” fly swatter, and preferably a guide that knows what the habitat will be like, otherwise you’ll have fun sleeping on the ground with all the other crazy insects that live in this hell hole, also known as Indonesia (Not to diss on Indonesia but with all the other crazy shiz that lives there, it would definitely feel like hell… or Australia… Either way, things want your flesh). There is growing panic and people are worried that the bee has been spreading and colonizing habitats that were thought to be uninhabitable for this species. Reports have been coming in that the bee has somehow managed its way to South America, some parts of North America, Mexico, and Cuba.

So, how can we defend against this new (or old) enemy? The American military may have to get involved. They have trained a ton of soldiers on how to combat these giant bees and are armed with eight-foot fly swatters. An antitoxin is currently in the works, but it may take decades to complete. For now, board up your windows, lock your doors, hide your kids, and pray the Nightmare Bees don’t find you. If you have a nuclear bunker, it is strongly advised you hide in there. Good luck in the coming days, we hope you don’t have pickle phobia and recommend not to eat any pickles as it could be your neighbor. It might be difficult, but humanity can push past this menace. (But like for real though they actually found a giant terrifying species of bee thought to be extinct. It looks really scary. An actual picture can be found in the top right with the giant bee and a regular honey bee.)

“I think you need help…” -Avery, 2019, Some good advice from a friend, he knows that we will need help if we are to defeat this menace.