Welcome to my realm within this newspaper, the Skeletor Column of EVIL! It is here where I lay the law and grace all you with my opinions, and as such the right opinions. If you disagree then don’t read, you blundering fools! I don’t care what you think, you’re here to listen to what I think. And since I am such evil, we should start with something evil, something truly unfathomable in its essence: The Slip System!

This system has plagued both students and teachers who adhere to its rules. For those who are pristine students, who’ve never been late, and have no idea what I’m talking about I’ll enlighten you wimps. The system has two things and there are many facets which can cause irritation to both students and teachers. One of which is the tardy system. Students who are late must go to the attendance office and grab a slip. The evil is that the tardy slips have the student go to class, knock on the door which should be locked, so the teacher has to go and open the door. Then the student has to go back out and get a slip, and then come back, and the door has to be opened again! This is truly diabolical in its simplicity! Instead of a student just being late, they get even later! And the teacher get’s even more annoyed. What should be a second takes five minutes, and the student suffers academically. All the students suffer academically and the teacher becomes more irritant! The student loses precious time, time that could have been spent learning. The student loses out on instructions, instructions that no teacher would really want to repeat.

You could just copy someone else’s note’s like a complete boob, but you still won’t learn like everyone else in the class does. You will lose out on important study time. You will get behind! And for what staying in the hallways a little too long? This is madness! The tardy slip system is pointless! It gives nothing, and just takes up time! It’s something that I would remove from schools because it takes time away from books. THE REAL POWER OF THE UNIVERSE!

It is evil to compare! I rate it six out of ten “MYAAH!”s.

As my column of evil is just beginning, I apparently need approval of my column to keep it going. For now, soon I won’t be reliant on any of this and will have my own page! And then the SCHOOL WILL BE MINE!

But for now I’ll just ask for evil things around the school. Any and all things evil! Email me your suggestions at [email protected]. And do not delay, you bumbling fools, if you do not send me suggestions, I will be very displeased and be forced to take drastic actions!