Once again we come to the holiday season, a time of festivity, love, and generosity. I already feel sick. But at least it only comes around once a year, but nowadays people make it come far too soon. Companies are pushing their goods in order to make money. People are all making Christmas come far too soon. It sickens me, November has yet to end, and already we’re pushing consumerism for a holiday of happiness. Excuse me while I go and heave, this Christmas spirit is making my stomach queasy.

I, like everyone else here, is sick of one thing, those people who as soon it started snowing started playing Christmas music. What?! Why?! Why would you want to start playing that music, it hasn’t even been Stuff Your Face Day yet. Why?! Anyway aside from those people playing their music way too early in the season, I have other things that ruin my day around the holiday season.
One, for some reason, and I don’t have the slightest idea why this happens to me, I’m nice to others. NICE! I am not nice, I am not kind, and I am most definitely not wonderful. Why?!  What is wrong this time of year? I don’t enjoy it. People want to go around giving gifts to each other. The presents don’t explode. It’s all so wimpy. It sickens me. But somehow it warms my heart. Why?
Then around this time of year… actually as soon as Halloween is over, the stores are filled with with Christmas things. The companies want you to buy their things, devious but also, extremely irritating. What if I went to the soup store, on November 2nd, and I see all the aisles filled with Christmas themed soups. I DON’T WANT YOUR CHRISTMAS SOUPS. I WANT MY NORMAL SOUPS, WITH NORMAL PASTA, NOT REINDEER SHAPED PASTAS. The only deer I want to see around this time of year are the ones that seem to act like Olympia is their playground. I have respect for them.

Again it hasn’t even been Stuff your Face day. Why do people find the need to start playing Christmas music, but not following the rules of the holiday. If you’re going to do it, DO IT RIGHT YOU NUMBSKULL! BE JOLLY, DO IT RIGHT… Give me a minute to collect myself, and then heave again.

And while we’re on the subject of being jolly, let’s talk about the Fat man. The man travels on a sleigh that can travel through time. TRAVEL THROUGH TIME! I’d love to get my hands on magic that powerful, if I could just siphon off some of that Christmas magic. He has all this power and what does he do? He gives presents out to kids. What is wrong with you?! You have magical omnipotence, USE IT!

And while we’re on that subject of gifts, I’ve been asking for one gift year after year. CASTLE GRAYSKULL! Why can’t that fatty get it through his head that I don’t want toys, I don’t want limited edition action figures of me. I won’t give them back though, I have them all lined up across my desk, sometimes I stare at them to get me inspired for my next plot. But, I want Castle Grayskull for Christmas. Why is that so hard for him to understand.

And I could go on and on but I’ll stop my rant for now. Excuse me while I go and heave again.